Timeline: February 8, 2008

I’m using an iPod with a microphone to record my thoughts here. Tara gave me this as a gift since she got a new one for herself, one of those iPod Touch numbers. I wonder if it’s a bad idea to keep it in my little hollow? Well, we’ll see.

Tonight is my second court and I’m scared to death. I mean, I’ve been back from that hell-hole, Arcadia, for what? 9 weeks now? And now I have to worry about everyone? I feel like I barely managed to take care of myself, escaping from Him.

Of course, it’s the most awesome thing in the world to have found my friends again. I wake up each morning and give thanks (well, in my head anyway) that they are all okay. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d made it back and found out they weren’t okay. Oh wait. If they weren’t okay, I’d never have found my way back home.But about tonight. It’s my second court already, but this one is maybe more important even than the first one, in which I took the mantle of Queen of the Spring Court. That means the Wyrd has chosen me to be Queen, and that I have accepted it. I think that sometimes I do really stupid shit.

That might be a bit strong. I just feel like I’m in over my head. I know it means that the Wyrd has chosen me for two reasons. First, I have really embraced the mantle of what it means to be a courtier of Spring. Second, I’m the most powerful of those who have embraced Spring. With that in mind, how could I say no? There hasn’t ever been a strong enough presence of Spring here to produce a regent before. So I show up and wham! I’ve just made Spring a viable court strong enough to rule a third of the year. 

It really is a big deal. I think we have some 80 members of the freehold of the Desert Duchy that belong to the courts, and another dozen or score of courtless changelings. Up to a hundred fae beings of all levels of power and personality now look to the regents of Spring, Summer and Autumn for guidance and protection from the Others.

I really have no idea how I’m supposed to behave. I just want to be me. Or rather, the person I am right now. Even though my Keeper tortured me with it, I want to dance, to touch other people and be touched by them. Like anyone, I just want to have a place in the world. I feel I have it that with Brigid, Jasmin and Diesel. I’m not sure what I am to Li, but I want to find out. 

But tonight, I can’t do that. I have to be this Queen person. Since I have no experience in doing this, I’ll just play the role. Maybe if I act like that princess from the movie, Braveheart, I’ll be able to fool people into thinking I’m more than just a white girl that grew up in a trailer in some backwards town in Iowa.

But probably not.