Guard duty

“I thought the desert was supposed to be cold at night,” said Johnny as the bartender passed over a cold one. He had stripped down to his undershirt and would have removed that too if the sign by the door didn’t say ‘No shirt, no service.’ He swished at some flies with his tail. Why this skeevy bar on the Interstate was so picky about shirts, he’d never know. At least the women in the crowd were pushing the boundaries of the rules, as well. With both elbows on the bar, he surveyed the crowd of sweaty skinned mortals with a wolfish grin.

A text came in and he plucked it from the back pocket of his jeans. “Industrial road. 11:30pm. Usual rate. V.” He thumbed an acceptance and pocketed his device.
Continue reading Guard duty

Agent 12

Less squeezed the bridge of his nose while he collected himself. He took a deep breath and rubbed the eye on the small of his back. “Johnny, if you cannot master this cipher you will not be able to communicate with me. The whole point of you infiltrating the Brimstone Barony is so that you can get me information. It might not be safe to meet me in person so you’ll have to encode your messages.”

Johnny flicked his pencil down onto the table, took a drink of the water that had been provided, and wished it was at least beer. “Who uses pencils anymore?” he complained. “I haven’t done math in, like, forever.”

“It’s hardly math,” intoned Less, failing to conceal his irritation. “It is addition, and sometimes subtraction.”

“That reminds me of a joke,” laughed Johnny, eager to leave the encryption lesson behind. “How is sex like math? Add a woman, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!” Johnny grinned lasciviously as he ground his hips on the chair. “Is Mira going to be on this mission? She’s great undercover.”

“I’m sure she is but, as I’ve already explained, you are going to be operating alone. Mira’s position is too tenuous in the Duchy at the moment. She could not operate in the Barony without drawing suspicion, especially with her rivalry with Vicissitude. Your past dealings with her will be your way in.”

Johnny squirmed uncomfortably. Vicissitude was a harsh mistress.

“But don’t let yourself become exclusive to Sissy’s retinue,” warned Less. “You need to be a free agent in the Barony. We need to know who is part of the Barony, their names and Seemings, and what they are planning. Try to get close to Dame Nightshade. We don’t know anything about her besides she was in charge of the operation to take control of the Ishtar Gate.”

“When do I get a code-name?”

“When you pass the field test.”

“Oh, come on!” Johnny stood up and began singing the instrumental theme tune to the 007 films and mimed the famous brandishing of the Walther PPK. “Dun-di-di-dunnnn-dun-dun-dun…DEE DOO! Doo do dooooo!”

Less tried to give him what he wanted so they could get back to the lesson of the day. “Okay. How about ‘James’?”

“James!? How is that a code-name? It has to be cool like ‘Crackerjack’ or ‘Star Lord’, or ‘Watch Out Super Spy Ladies I Got a 12-inch Dick!’ Oh yeah!”

“Fine. Welcome to the Wardens, Agent 12.”

Hot Spy Cold

Less tapped once on the large snow globe. It shifted slightly over the scuffed surface of the oak table and the drifts of snow swayed about the village scene. It was a jolly little village with warm firelight shining from the windows. Some of the villagers, bundled against the cold, carried parcels through the streets. There was a small group of carollers on the corner. He knew the village like the back of his hand. He stared at it often, for hours, late into the dark nights.

There was a timid knocking at the door. Less looked up as Jangles entered apologetically. The dwarf looked as though he were trying to hide under his own hump. His long arm trailed behind him and kept hold of the door, securing his escape route. “Constable? Do you need assistance with…?” He gestured with a long finger towards the magic globe on the table.

“No, Jangles, not tonight,” sighed Less. “You can go home. Get some rest.”

Once the door shut softly, Less returned his study of the tiny, snow-covered village. There was a small figure outside the post office. It was so short that it was nearly entirely covered by the snow drifts. Only the terror-stricken face and one hand could be seen over the flakes. The figure was Happy, a gentle hob who had seen seven years’ service in the Summer Court. Now he was imprisoned in the globe with his unwelcome companion, Bria.

Bria’s face was also painted with fear, but snow did not cover her. The Unseelie stood in a ring free of the white flakes. A spider-web of dark smoke trailed up from her red curly hair. The party dress she wore revealed arms and legs of dark chocolate brown skin, set off beautifully against the white background of the diorama.

Less sat back in frustration, letting out a sigh that rattled through the room like an October breeze. Vicissitude’s betrayal at the Roundhill place was eating away at him. He had felt he had been making positive in-roads to getting the Summer and Winter Courts to at least call a cease-fire so that they could meet and discuss issues. He didn’t expect that Seelie and Unseelie would kiss and make up overnight, but they should be able to be in the same room to talk about common threats like the New World Order. The Brimstone Baron must be thoroughly enjoying this. Damn Carnifex!

What would she have done to Rey and him? Killed them, and given their heads to the Baron or the Duke for his trophy room? That seemed the most likely, considering the assassin’s predilections, but Less couldn’t help but consider their lives as bargaining chips. To gain control of the Ishtar Gate? Cassandra and the Countess wouldn’t allow it even if it meant their lives. As a prisoner exchange for the spy Bria? That would imply that Bria has something they need. Information about the Gate or Casandra herself? Unique skills? Sissy wouldn’t petition for her release for anything less.

Less sat up and shook the glass violently. The lack of information concerning the Brimstone Barony was his personal nemesis. Operation Water Wings had collapsed in tatters and the training of Johnny was taking time. The silenus had a hard time focussing on anything but his dick for any length of time. The only thing going for him was that women in his presence seemed to also have a hard time focussing on anything but his dick. Less put the globe back onto the table. The snow swirled in a blizzard and slowly settled on the roofs and people of the village. He had to maintain his patience. Good things come to those who wait.